Chapter 20: The Lower Pond

The lower pond had a thin white skin of ice along its edge, the first of the year.

I stopped on the bank at the exact spot where Jasper had stood four winters ago.

Lottie had shown me the place that afternoon, and I had not slept well since.

"You stay here," I said. "Where I can see you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. I'm saying it anyway."

I stepped down to the edge of the ice and looked at the black water.

My wolf went small and cold inside me, and my knees began to shake.

The bank behind me was quiet.

I turned around.

Jasper stood where I had told him to, with his hands loose and his face open.

He was looking right at me.

Four years ago, he had not seen my face at all.

"I'm looking," he said. "I'll keep looking. Whatever you need."

I walked back up the bank to him, and I put my palm on his chest.

"Ask me what you wanted to ask," he said quietly.

"Not yet."

"Then tell me what you want."

"I want to take the pond back."

I took his hand and led him to the old boathouse.

It was a stack of grey boards and a bench, with the doors hanging open to the water.

I pulled his wool coat off his shoulders and spread it over the planks.

"Lie down," I said.

He lay down, and I knelt over him and kissed him until he was shaking.

I did not hurry.

The cold came in off the pond and he was warm under my hands.

I undid his shirt and he undid mine, and when his palms found my breasts I said, "Yes," against his mouth.