Chapter 13: Say Done

Caleb opened his door before I knocked.

He had been watching for me from the window of the front room.

He wore a grey T-shirt and no shoes, and he had not shaved.

"Come in," he said. "Don't stand in the street."

I came in.

The row house smelled of coffee and the lemon soap he uses on the counters.

He had cleared the kitchen table.

There was nothing on it but two glasses of water.

"You first," I said.

"No. You texted 'same.' I want to know what same means."

"It means I need to talk to you, and it's not about work."

"Lena."

"Sit down."

He sat.

I stayed on my feet, because if I sat I would not be able to say it.

I put my hand flat on my stomach, which was a stupid thing to do.

It showed him nothing.

"Three tests," I said. "Mara took me to a drugstore in Delaware. They all say the same thing."

He didn't move.

"I'm pregnant, Caleb. It's yours. It can only be the boathouse."

For a long moment the only sound was the refrigerator.

His face went completely blank.

I knew that face.

I had watched it across a leadership table for three years, and it always meant he was deciding how much to say.

He looked at the table.

He looked at his hands.

Then he put both of them over his mouth and said nothing at all.

My chest went tight.

I had thought about this moment the whole drive over.

In the version I rehearsed, he said something kind and clumsy.

In the version I was afraid of, he went quiet exactly like this.

"Okay," I said. My voice came out very level. "I get it."

"Lena..."

"No, I get it. This is more than we signed up for. We set four terms in a car, and one of them was an exit."

"Don't."

"So use it. Say it. Say done."

He was on his feet before I finished the word.

"No."

"You can say it. I won't fall apart. I'll handle the baby and the company and my father, and you won't have to..."

"I'm not saying it."

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