Daddy Can You Teach Me Some Naughty Night Things? novel · Chapter 18 of 24

Chapter 18: Torn

Ward told me what he was afraid of on the night we went over the ledger.

He sat behind the office desk with the lamp on and the stud records spread out, and he didn't write a word.

I sat on the corner of the desk with my boot against his chair.

"Say it," I said. "Whatever it is."

"It's a stupid thing."

"Then it won't take long."

He rubbed his face.

"You lost your mother fourteen months ago," he said. "You've had nobody but a man twice your age and three hands. I'm what's left."

"Ward."

"Let me finish. I'm what's in front of you. You're grieving, and you're strong, and you want something to hold. In a year you'll wake up, and I'll be a thing you did in the dark that spring." His throat moved. "And you'll resent me. I could live with a lot, Lulu. I couldn't live with you resenting me."

I looked at him for a long moment.

Then I leaned over and slid my hand into his boot.

He jerked.

"What are you"

I pulled out the folded paper, warm from his leg, and held it up to the lamp.

"This is why you can't tell the difference," I said. "You think you're a leftover. You put your whole life in a boot."

"Give it back."

"No."

I took the top edge in both hands and tore it down the middle.

The sound was loud in the quiet office.

He came up out of the chair.

"That's the county copy"

"It's yours. The county has the real one, and I can undo that with a pen whenever I want." I tore it again, and again, until I held a handful of strips. "I'm not tearing up the gift, Ward. I'm tearing up the goodbye."

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